this morning i ran into a friend from law school. it was good to catch up. was she still working? no, she had tried to work part-time after having her son and realized she couldn't be good at both her job and being a mom. would she go back? she'd hope, but probably not since she planned to be home for a few years and her legal experience would stale.
it got me thinking. being a mom is the most challenging job on the planet, so why is it that moms out of the workforce for a few years are considered lacking in experience?
i have a mom friend (who will remain nameless) who, instead of stopping her car with toddlers while on a road trip, made the decision to preserve their sanity, be on time to their destination, and make any sacrifice necessary to do so. so instead of stopping at a restroom and waking her children, she took one for the team. she grabbed her child's diaper from the back seat and peed in it while she kept driving. now that is commitment. that is drive. that is a woman marked for success.
being a mom has been the most challenging few years of my life. but if i were to go back to work, what could i claim as my experience for the past few years? if i were to update my resume, i don't know that anyone would hire me. i know i have been challenged and stretched by every single day of motherhood, but on a resume these things look rather silly...
it doesn't matter. as soon as my last little guy is in school, i am going to start a company. and i have no idea what the company will do but it doesn't even matter what we do because we will be a huge success. i am only going to hire moms returning to work. moms who know how to juggle the most stressful circumstances. moms who are always equipped for unfathomable emergencies. moms who know how to develop ingenious solutions for the crazy curveballs thrown during childrearing. and mark my words... as soon as i figure out what this company will do, we will have the most powerful workforce imaginable and we WILL. be. a. huge. success.
ONLY RESUMES THAT HAVE EXPERIENCE AKIN TO THAT DESCRIBED BELOW WILL BE ACCEPTED.
(disclaimer: you might be thinking to yourself, "wow, lauren has way too much time on her hands." unfortunately, that is not the case. otherwise, i'd have showered this morning. there simply is no explanation for me taking the time to write this out except to show chris, once again, that my days are much harder than his.)
LAUREN A. HILL
http://lilhillfam.blogspot.com/
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Baby Mama, September 2007 to March 2009
· Successfully executed the “pee-while-holding-an-infant” maneuver in port-a-potties and other revolting restrooms
· Developed and implemented training to prevent my toddler from sticking his hands down the back of his pants or saying “nipple” in public
· Participated in various aspects of complex snack request negotiations, successfully labeling graham crackers as “cookies” and fruit flavored water as “juice”
· Coordinated and collaborated to change “up-the-back” diapers without leaving airplane seats
Mama to Two, March 2009 to February 2011
· Analyzed and assessed arguments of opposing toddlers to adjudicate who should get which one of two identical toys
· Appointed Chief Home Officer (CHO) by a mocking husband who likes delegating annoying administrative tasks
· Gained proficient knowledge of Buzz Lightyear’s abilities and limitations so as to avoid being publicly ridiculed by a toddler
·Regularly maneuvered an SUV on the highway while attached to a breast pump and and fielding honks and shouts from passing truck drivers
Chief Home Operator, February 2011 to Present
· Successfully held an infant in the Rainforest Cafe restroom while aiding a pooping toddler and keeping a second toddler from touching the feminine product depository with his mouth
· Mediated arguments between toddlers as to whether we would buy the regular Goldfish or rainbow Goldfish
· Facilitated training to prevent a toddler from asking outside every public restroom, “Hey mom, do you need to go pee or poop?”
